I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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