Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
