my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
