How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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