yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
