All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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