Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
