It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
