i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
