I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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