Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize
