were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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