great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
