why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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