If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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