I need help removing her.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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