I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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