I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize