So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
He? As in you personified your dick?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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