Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
honey bunches of taint.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
