im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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