so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
accomplished twins. life is a go
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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