Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
