Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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