I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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