Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
