Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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