She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
