tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
