I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
