You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i think my mom watched the whole time
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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