Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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