Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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