It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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