She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
