guys are only as good as the porn they watch
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize