i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
