Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
