Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
