and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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