I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Randomize
