It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
