The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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