I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
