i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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