his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
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