I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
im holly from the hills drunk
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
