no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Randomize