I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
