I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
