ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
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