The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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