i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
