this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
