Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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