she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
