I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
