i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
