Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
