Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Randomize
