Dual....:-)
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
