We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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