"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
