I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
