I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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