I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
