Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
